Shadows fill my empty heart

Listening to the song what about now - daughtry...

It had been almost a year that I stopped blogging. Almost forget that I could just blog to kill time in a sleepless night like this.

Yesterday it was my first time in the church in Ulm. It is so common  to see adults crying in church. I've been to another church festival (annual event) recently. Are they touched / moved by holy spirit? I always thought that there should be joy and laughter in church...

Ok, I am a christian, and I am also an atheist. If you are a christian and can't understand what i am saying; just take this example, Jesus was 100% man and 100% god while he was on earth.


If a Malaysian asks me what my religion is, I could confidently say: "christian", because it is stated in my identification card. However, if a German asks me what my religion is, I don't know if I should say: "Ich bin ein Christ".

Well, I had joined sunday gathering while I was a child, but I grew up in the "wilderness". While I was a child I always thought that sunday gathering was just to meet some friends and sing to praise Lord. Every Sunday, there were one hour of singing, half an hour of praying and half an hour of sermon. I could also live well without God. Soon I was bored of this routine and stopped going gathering anymore.

Ironically I had never read a bible before until I came to Germany. The bible is far more complex than I thought. The bible is not just a tale about Adam and Eve and the born of Jesus in a stable.

I am not just an atheist-christian. But I am also a spy curious being, conducting an espionage in Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witness and in an Evangelical Church. The Jehovah's Witnesss says: "through the knowledge of bible, you will be given a free ticket to eternity life on heavenly earth". The general christians say:"by having faith in Jesus the Lord, you will be saved and death will be beaten".

Now comes the paradox. Both regilions are based on Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek scriptures, but why they were analysed differently? Another example is that one can argue with Jehovah's Witness about Tritninty days and nights and it won't have a result.

yawn....